Angry, confused, changed, helpless, enlightened, alone, overwhelmed, excited, open minded….
These are just a few of the emotions that have passed through me recently yet I haven’t had the motivation to put it into words. There is just so much going on and so much to talk about that it seems almost impossible to focus on one subject and just have at it. I have had this overwhelming feeling, like we are on the edge of something great and I don’t want to have my head down blinders on just moseying around mindlessly like another drone through life when it happens.
I hear people say things like “this isn’t how humans are supposed to be living” with so much of the day wasted behind a desk under artificial lights. “LIVE DAMN YOU LIVE.” But we can’t. We aren’t allowed to, or for most of us, don’t have the means to do so. I keep feeling this void that can’t be filled with materialistic things that can be bought, with good job security and decent pay. It can’t be filled with vacations and getaways, it can’t even be filled with the joys of family and love. So what then can fill it?
So many of us feel that same void and try to fill it with sex, drugs, drinks, and simple distractions that the media told us would make us happy and then we think something is still wrong with us when we are not happy with these things we have filled our life with. The things they told us we should be filling our life with in order to finally catch that dream we have been chasing our entire lives. Once we acquire all the things and we have people in our lives that make up happy…. then what? What is it that we are missing?
Time to live. That’s what we are missing. The time to actually enjoy all the things we spent our entire lives trying to gather and retain. We shouldn’t be forced to wait until we are 65 to enjoy all that life and leisure time have to offer us. We spend the better parts of our day dedicated to going to work, am I supposed to be happy there? We get home and continue with the stresses of todays daily life at home because we have to now spend that money we worked so hard for on the bills that keep the lights on at home and keep all the machines I’ve bought to entertain or assist me running, but does that make me happy? Then I finally get 2 days away from work only to return again for another 5, repetitively for 50 years so that I can one day afford to die in a nice retirement home instead of under a bridge somewhere, is that supposed to make me happy and give me peace of mind? To know I am making enough money to die is defiantly a load of my shoulders….
There is so much corruption and greed in the world that it sometimes feels like there is no alternative to being a drone unless you want to be homeless and hungry under that bridge they are burying you under.
I have started reading books that take my mind to another level of consciousness so that maybe in some realm I can find some bit of happiness. One of them I would highly recommend is “Biocentrism – How Life and Consciousness are the Keys to Understanding the Nature of the Universe” Though I might warn you its one of those books that after you finish it you kind of look at everyone else as if they are stuck in some illusionistic reality, almost as if you are Neo from the Matrix and you have seen the true reality that no one else can see yet. Its like being in on a secret only you and the author know and your looking at everyone else like they are mindless sheep just following along without asking a single question about life throughout their entire existence.
So now that I know this, what do I do with this new found knowledge? I thought about sharing it but explaining it without sounding like a total loon is pretty hard. Trust me, start reading a few pages of the book I mentioned and you will quickly see that explaining it is like explaining color to the blind. Is it possible that on the journey to discovery, enlightenment and interconnectedness that we somehow feel more alone than ever.
I’m also reading a book called Revolution, which is exactly what we are in need of. An enlightenment, a wake-up call, a realization that everything is not ok, its not going to be ok and nothing is ever going to be the same again.
So what do we do about it? I don’t know, hence the emotions I stated earlier. I can’t be the only person that thinks something is very wrong on a much more grandiose global scale as well as a more intimate internal scale, and with the combination of them both it feels like everything is bound to go nowhere. I brush that feeling off only because I see there are others out there with the same feeling and same questions, seeking the same answers.