A New Chapter

Life really does play out in chapters….


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I think I’m Regressing


Ever since my boyfriend started taking the night shift it has been ridiculous trying to sleep alone at night. I feel like I toss and turn all night because I wake up with all the pillows all over the floor, and the blankets are twisted and hanging off the bed. I thought it would get easier after a while, I even bought a new pillow that is about the same size as me and still I feel like I get no rest in the bed without him there.

I am so tired today it is ridiculous, I feel like I haven’t slept at all, and to top it off it is a super slow day at work so there is not even a high pressure project to keep me awake. I contemplated finding a privacy room to fall asleep in but just my luck I would be caught and fired…. so I went and got a coffee instead.

I have been sleeping next to him for almost 7 years now how am I supposed to get used to sleeping alone?!?! I was thinking that getting to stretch out, finally not be pushed to the edge of the bed, or not being smashed when we rolls over would be enough to satisfy my need for comfy sleep. Unfortunately now I have become accustom to being smashed in my sleep. I even tried piling pillows on top of myself so I could replicate the smashing and nope… just couldn’t breathe and got over heated way to fast.

Every time he leaves when I am about to go to sleep I feel like a little kid that is trying to force their dad to stay home.

I have the whole kid persona down. I have the puckered lip out, the big sad eyes, and I even wine a little bit even though I know him leaving is inevitably going to happen. I would kick and scream but by the time the clock says 9:30 I only have enough strength to push my pillow around and huff and puff a little bit.

Oh well, we have to do what we have to do in order to finally get a house. Though we are practically living in a house now it is not nearly as big as I would like for as many people live there. So once we are walking through the doors of our new house and he is all done with all this night shift crap and he can find a new job or a new shift it will all be worth it, but until then I guess I will have to regress to the prime age of 4 and squeal every time I see him leave or snuggle him when I come home from work and he is still asleep. I just have to take advantage of the little time that we do get to spend together.

If I wasn’t clingy before I sure am now. Every time we are just sitting around next to each other I find myself just trying to touch him anywhere I can, grabbing the little arm of his shirt, scratch his back, pinch or poke… its doesn’t matter to me. When he finally asked me what I was doing I told him, “just tying to get some physical attention while I can!”

Well so far my only coping mechanism I have found is every morning when I have to get ready alone I listen to the same song, it almost makes me want to cry but it is just want I need to hear at that moment so it evens out. (and for the record I haven’t cried yet!)

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An Adolescence Story


I know everyone has been beaten to death with this subject but I have to say something about it. I feel almost obligated to at the very least give my story and my opinion, since I am someone that is speaking from experience.

Recently I have been seeing shows like “Teen Mom” or “16 and Pregnant” and I see the way that people perceive these girls. They think of them as dumb sluts, or abused children that want attention or someone to love them. In many cases I am sure that’s true because I have watched the shows and see what comes out of the mouths of these immature, inexperienced, babies having babies. So I am sure that the statistics are somewhat true when they say that less than 2% of the teen moms that get pregnant don’t graduate from school, but honestly is that really just because of the baby or were they already the type of person to give up, they just needed a reason? Everyone immediately assumes that as soon as you have a baby that young you have completely ruined your life and you will never return.

I am not saying that I am a supporter of teen sex or pregnancy because I do think there are a lot of dumb teens that will eventually mess up their entire life and blame it on the baby, when really they didn’t sound like they were going to be upstanding citizens in the first place, baby or not.

I guess I must be the rare exception to the statistic, because I had my daughter when I was 13. I tell most people that I was 14 at least because the math adds up but she was born November 22nd, and my birthday is December 6th, so the lie is not that big. I know what you’re thinking already…. And no I wasn’t a slut, and I wasn’t raped, and no one abused me and made me want a child so I had someone to love me. I had a mishap with birth control because we often forget that it is 98% effective against pregnancy not 100%. Does not seem like much, but it is. Me and my ex were both virgins and I got pregnant the first time.

I was just a stupid teen making all the wrong decisions for myself in spite of what people warned me about, you know the typical teen, and my mother told me that if I was going to make an adult decision like this, I was going to live with the consequences of my actions. And I did. But I didn’t think that my life was over, just different. Yeah, I missed a lot of things like prom but we all have seen the show and heard the sob story from all the shows about missing so many immature childish things we cherish as teens, and that is not why I am writing this. I don’t want to give you another sob story.

I just want people to think before the instantly make an assumption about someone, before they instantly start trying to scare someone into believing that there life is over, they will not amount to be anything, and they are giving up everything. Maybe if we weren’t instantly mean and judgmental we could actually help some of these lost teens.

People were awful when I was pregnant they always looked at me like I was a trashy. At school was the worst of it because you know how mean other teens can be, they just say whatever comes into their minds. They all judge like they would never be in that situation but they have been, if they had sex they are setting themselves up for that situation. The only difference between me and all the other girls was that my secret sexual life was bulging out of the bottom of my shirt for everyone to point at and talk about. Yes, I see there is a large epidemic going around of pregnant teens but there has to be a better reason then they just did it because it was the cool thing to do. Not all of our teenagers can be that stupid. There has to be a bigger reason. And besides that everyone is different and you don’t know there story so there is no point in judging them right off the bat.

Judgmental Much?

This is just my opinion though I could be wrong, but I am living proof that you can have a baby at a ridiculously young age and overcome the hardship of life and if you work hard enough things can happen for you still. You will be young enough to have the energy to run around with your kid and your child will be old enough to remember the vacations and trips that you go on because by the time you are established they are old enough to join you on those fun adventures and it’s not a hassle, like when you are trying to bring a toddler or an infant with you. When you are old enough to retire and go back to focusing on your life because your child has grown up you and your kid will be practically the same age you guys can go party together LOL!!!  I just tried to look at the brighter side of things, it’s really all you can do when you are placed in a situation like that. If this is going to be the new trend and no one knows how to stop it, or why it is even happening, then we need to cope and adjust to it and find a better way to handle the situation. Not just scare girls into not getting pregnant, that obviously isn’t working the more we advertise the dangers the more teens rebel and get pregnant on purpose.

I can’t stand the way people are so cruel sometimes, even doctors would say things just to scare me telling me things like “you are going to have to have to learn how to take care of a premature baby because even if she is delivered on time, she most likely is going to be as big as a preme and have the same problems as a premature baby.”

My daughter was 8.4 pounds 19.6 inches long.

Halie A’marie

So whether it was a mean teen, or a dignified doctor, the reaction is the same, and the way they treat you is the same, I just think there has to be a better way to treat people even if they made a huge mistake. People act like teen moms are the scum of the earth, and our children are doomed. We can think of a way to be more understanding, and tolerant, try to educate (not scare) our kids before they get pregnant. Sex Ed is not enough, giving them free condoms is not enough, and scaring our current pregnant teens is not enough.

By advertising teen pregnancy I think we have already ruined our teens perception on what life is supposed to be like, but that does not mean that is too late to reeducate them and see if we can get them to look at things from another point of view. The only part of the Teen Mom Show that I find to be helping out our teens and the discussion they have  in the last 5 minutes of the show when they sit and explain what the reality shock was like when they found out how hard it really was to have a baby and how much they really had to give up. That is the only eye opening part that I feel all teens should look at it and go “WOW I don’t want to miss my prom!!” if nothing else these immature girls should at least realize all the fun stuff they aren’t going to be able to do anymore, it is more like being grounded and having to babysit for the next 18 years, instead of the white picket fence and 2.5 kids with prince charming and a dog, like playing house is so easy and fun.

You would think that a reality shock would do the trick but it seems like teens now a days are harder to break, unlike when I was a teen you could take my TV and I would do practically anything to get it back I didn’t like having things taken away from me but it seems like these kids just don’t care.

I guess the only reason I am writing this is to see if people can broaden the horizon and start to think from a different point of view. It takes a village to raise a child; it is going to take all of us to get these kids in line.

The Pregnancy Pact

Part 1 

Part 2 

Part 3 

Part 4 

Part 5 

Part 6

Part 7

 I thought this is a good movie to get conversation started with your kid, and also to enlighten parents on how there kids are really thinking…. and it is just a  good flick!