A New Chapter

Life really does play out in chapters….


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Is It The Weather, Or Is It Me?


Well it’s going back to being colder and darker in the early morning and early evenings, and I guess the depression is starting to sweep back across everyone… or maybe just me. I’m from California “the SUNSHINE state” and moved to Washington a little over a year ago and never thought the weather would have any real effect on me I just thought people who were born and raised in gloom and doom are the ones that really get depressed when the rainy season comes back.

I’m a unique Washingtonian because I am the only one that is hiding when the sun is out and going for a walk on the gloomy fog covered days, but maybe the fog has finally got me down.

I recently stopped having a monthly cycle because I’m using the Mirena IUD, and I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t pregnant because I have had the insert for about 4 years now and they only recommend it to be in there for about 5-7 years. Well I took the test almost 2 weeks after my missed cycle and it was negative.

Unfortunately no one had the same reaction, and no one was happy with anyone’s reaction, but on the up side no matter which way it would have gone everyone would have been happy BUT as far as reactions go…. that part didn’t go so well.

Because I had a baby when I was 14 I feel really weird going through the same process again only with love, support, and understanding. To me it comes off as teasing and judgement, because that is what I endured the last time I was pregnant. I always felt like my 16-year-old sister-in-law looks down to me because she can’t even fathom being stupid enough to get pregnant at 14, she is 16 now with no baby so she has already immensely surpassed me.

I felt like she would look down on me more for getting pregnant again (even though I’m not 14 anymore) I felt like even my daughter would look down on me because she follows everything my sister-in-law does since they are not too far in age. I just wanted to have it be in intimate private thing between my boyfriend and I and then share the good or bad news with the family. Instead I got laughs and shits and giggles all down the hall from my daughter (whom is 7) and my sister-in-law ranting “HA HA pee on a stick, you have to pee on a stick.”  I have never felt so embarrassed and disrespected in my life. Even though only my family was home I felt like I was 14 again being taunted down the halls by all the horrible high school jerks. Later my mother in law told me that it was out of love I’m being emotional and they were just having fun because they were so excited and happy and they love me and blah blah blah…. Well where was all that affection, support, and love when all I heard was fun being poked at me.

It made the entire experience like a revenge assignment to prove that was or wasn’t pregnant, the outcome didn’t even matter as long as I had an answer so the subject could be laid to rest.

Maybe I overreacted because of the experiences I have had in the past and maybe they were supportive laughs and giggles I could just be super sensitive to the subject because it’s an experience I want to have so badly with him but I’m also scared to death to actually live that experience again because it was so scary and painful the first time.  I’m so torn with emotion over the subject that I just want to burst to relieve some of the pressure. I guess I’m hoping I’m not ruined, I can be happy about having kids in the future. I guess we really wont know until the day comes.

Since no one really can understand what I’m going through I guess I really didn’t expect anyone to be supportive of my over reactive emotions,I wish someone would be able to understand where my emotions are all coming from. I don’t wish anyone to be as damaged as be I just wish someone would understand.  I guess I just wanted someone to tell me I’m not crazy…..


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An Adolescence Story


I know everyone has been beaten to death with this subject but I have to say something about it. I feel almost obligated to at the very least give my story and my opinion, since I am someone that is speaking from experience.

Recently I have been seeing shows like “Teen Mom” or “16 and Pregnant” and I see the way that people perceive these girls. They think of them as dumb sluts, or abused children that want attention or someone to love them. In many cases I am sure that’s true because I have watched the shows and see what comes out of the mouths of these immature, inexperienced, babies having babies. So I am sure that the statistics are somewhat true when they say that less than 2% of the teen moms that get pregnant don’t graduate from school, but honestly is that really just because of the baby or were they already the type of person to give up, they just needed a reason? Everyone immediately assumes that as soon as you have a baby that young you have completely ruined your life and you will never return.

I am not saying that I am a supporter of teen sex or pregnancy because I do think there are a lot of dumb teens that will eventually mess up their entire life and blame it on the baby, when really they didn’t sound like they were going to be upstanding citizens in the first place, baby or not.

I guess I must be the rare exception to the statistic, because I had my daughter when I was 13. I tell most people that I was 14 at least because the math adds up but she was born November 22nd, and my birthday is December 6th, so the lie is not that big. I know what you’re thinking already…. And no I wasn’t a slut, and I wasn’t raped, and no one abused me and made me want a child so I had someone to love me. I had a mishap with birth control because we often forget that it is 98% effective against pregnancy not 100%. Does not seem like much, but it is. Me and my ex were both virgins and I got pregnant the first time.

I was just a stupid teen making all the wrong decisions for myself in spite of what people warned me about, you know the typical teen, and my mother told me that if I was going to make an adult decision like this, I was going to live with the consequences of my actions. And I did. But I didn’t think that my life was over, just different. Yeah, I missed a lot of things like prom but we all have seen the show and heard the sob story from all the shows about missing so many immature childish things we cherish as teens, and that is not why I am writing this. I don’t want to give you another sob story.

I just want people to think before the instantly make an assumption about someone, before they instantly start trying to scare someone into believing that there life is over, they will not amount to be anything, and they are giving up everything. Maybe if we weren’t instantly mean and judgmental we could actually help some of these lost teens.

People were awful when I was pregnant they always looked at me like I was a trashy. At school was the worst of it because you know how mean other teens can be, they just say whatever comes into their minds. They all judge like they would never be in that situation but they have been, if they had sex they are setting themselves up for that situation. The only difference between me and all the other girls was that my secret sexual life was bulging out of the bottom of my shirt for everyone to point at and talk about. Yes, I see there is a large epidemic going around of pregnant teens but there has to be a better reason then they just did it because it was the cool thing to do. Not all of our teenagers can be that stupid. There has to be a bigger reason. And besides that everyone is different and you don’t know there story so there is no point in judging them right off the bat.

Judgmental Much?

This is just my opinion though I could be wrong, but I am living proof that you can have a baby at a ridiculously young age and overcome the hardship of life and if you work hard enough things can happen for you still. You will be young enough to have the energy to run around with your kid and your child will be old enough to remember the vacations and trips that you go on because by the time you are established they are old enough to join you on those fun adventures and it’s not a hassle, like when you are trying to bring a toddler or an infant with you. When you are old enough to retire and go back to focusing on your life because your child has grown up you and your kid will be practically the same age you guys can go party together LOL!!!  I just tried to look at the brighter side of things, it’s really all you can do when you are placed in a situation like that. If this is going to be the new trend and no one knows how to stop it, or why it is even happening, then we need to cope and adjust to it and find a better way to handle the situation. Not just scare girls into not getting pregnant, that obviously isn’t working the more we advertise the dangers the more teens rebel and get pregnant on purpose.

I can’t stand the way people are so cruel sometimes, even doctors would say things just to scare me telling me things like “you are going to have to have to learn how to take care of a premature baby because even if she is delivered on time, she most likely is going to be as big as a preme and have the same problems as a premature baby.”

My daughter was 8.4 pounds 19.6 inches long.

Halie A’marie

So whether it was a mean teen, or a dignified doctor, the reaction is the same, and the way they treat you is the same, I just think there has to be a better way to treat people even if they made a huge mistake. People act like teen moms are the scum of the earth, and our children are doomed. We can think of a way to be more understanding, and tolerant, try to educate (not scare) our kids before they get pregnant. Sex Ed is not enough, giving them free condoms is not enough, and scaring our current pregnant teens is not enough.

By advertising teen pregnancy I think we have already ruined our teens perception on what life is supposed to be like, but that does not mean that is too late to reeducate them and see if we can get them to look at things from another point of view. The only part of the Teen Mom Show that I find to be helping out our teens and the discussion they have  in the last 5 minutes of the show when they sit and explain what the reality shock was like when they found out how hard it really was to have a baby and how much they really had to give up. That is the only eye opening part that I feel all teens should look at it and go “WOW I don’t want to miss my prom!!” if nothing else these immature girls should at least realize all the fun stuff they aren’t going to be able to do anymore, it is more like being grounded and having to babysit for the next 18 years, instead of the white picket fence and 2.5 kids with prince charming and a dog, like playing house is so easy and fun.

You would think that a reality shock would do the trick but it seems like teens now a days are harder to break, unlike when I was a teen you could take my TV and I would do practically anything to get it back I didn’t like having things taken away from me but it seems like these kids just don’t care.

I guess the only reason I am writing this is to see if people can broaden the horizon and start to think from a different point of view. It takes a village to raise a child; it is going to take all of us to get these kids in line.

The Pregnancy Pact

Part 1 

Part 2 

Part 3 

Part 4 

Part 5 

Part 6

Part 7

 I thought this is a good movie to get conversation started with your kid, and also to enlighten parents on how there kids are really thinking…. and it is just a  good flick!


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Gotta Love Washington State


Serial Killer Land 😀

Before moving to Washington I had heard all kinds of things about it, mostly about the weather. I wanted to know more about this place though since I was bringing my whole family. One of the things that I had heard was “Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young adults in Washington”. They say that there are actually more suicides then homicides.  Interesting right? Well I guess it could have been better than a high serial killer count or something crazy like that, right? I started asking more questions after that but not to other people who have been there before, but to Google. Gotta love Google. I wanted to know not only about the suicide rates but the serial killers…. since the issue came up why not see what I could find and….well I started looking and this is what I came up with….

Turned out there are 41 serial killers that lived, worked, and killed here. Just to put it in perspective for you here is the list as well as their professions. The ones I highlighted are the ones I found particularly disturbing.

What is a serial killer?….

…..Two or more unrelated victims in distinctly separate incidents…..

1. John R Gasser
Student/state employee, Seattle/Olympia

2. James Dwight Canady
City water department employee,Seattle

3. Warren Forest
Clark County parks employee,Vancouver

4. Gary G. Grant
Navy enlistee, Renton

5. Ted Bundy
Law student, Tacoma at University of Washington

6. James Elledge
Part-time church janitor, Lynnwood

7. James Edward Rezicka
Stable cleaner, Redmond

8. Gary A Taylor (The Phantom Sniper)
Escaped mental patient, Burien

9. William Batten
Car lot worker, Aberdeen

10. Robert Yates, Jr.
Aluminum plant worker and Army Reserve helicopter pilot, Spokane

11. Kenneth Bianchi (The Hillside Strangler)
Security-alarm installer, Bellingham

12. Morris Frampton
Sprinkler system installer, Seattle

13. Stanley Bernson
Produce salesman, Spokane

14. Lewis Valley Killer – unknown
Investigators have a suspect, but have never made an arrest.

15. Randy Woodfield (I-5 Killer)
Bartender, Eugene/Portland, Ore.

16. Martin Lee Sanders
Long-haul trucker, Spokane

17. Charles Sinclair (Coin Shop Killer)
Died in jail in Alaska.

18. The .22 Caliber Killer – Identity unknown
Spokane
19. Dwayne Elton
Army sergeant, Fort Lewis

20. William Scott Smith
Unemployed cook, Salem, Ore.

21. Bill Ray Ballard, Jr
Truck driver, Plains, Mont.

22. Joe Kondro
Laborer, mill worker, Longview

23. Gary Shaw
Unemployed, Tacoma

24. Daniel Yates
Tattoo artist, Bremerton

25. Dismemberment Murderer
Identity unknown
One killer could be responsible for three murders in which the victims’ bodies were dismembered and dumped in remote areas in Snohomish County.

26. The Index Killer
Identity unknown
One killer may be responsible for murders of two Seattle women whose bodies were dumped in the Index area in 1988

27. Wesley Allan Dodd
Shipping clerk, Clark County

28. Scott William Cox
Long-haul trucker, Newberg, Ore.

29. Keith Jesperson (Happy Face Killer)
Long-haul trucker, Yakima Valley/Portland

30. George Russell (Eastside Serial Killer)
Unemployed, Mercer Island

31. Robert Sidetrack Silveria (The Boxcar Killer)
Railroad transient (claimed to have killed 28 drifters while riding in a boxcar)

32. Jack Owen Spillman, III
Laborer, East Wenatchee

33. Robert Lee Parker
Unemployed, Shoreline

34. Rafael Resendez Ramirez (The Railroad Killer)
Day laborer, transient

35. Dwayne Lee Harris
Transient

36. John Eric Armstrong
U.S. Navy, Bremerton

37. Brian Keith Lord
Carpenter, Kitsap County

38. Gary Leon Ridgeway (The Green River Killer)
Identity unknown
Forty-nine murders are attributed to the Green River Killer, whose victims were prostitutes and runaways in the Puget Sound area.
Gary A. Ridgway, a South King County truck painter, is accused of killing Cynthia Hines, Opal Mills and Marcia Chapman in 1982 and Carol Christensen in 1983. Although all four deaths have been attributed to the killer, and Ridgway remains a suspect in other deaths, authorities are careful not to call him the Green River Killer.
Status: Ridgway arrested in 2001, awaiting trial. The Green River investigation continues.

39. Michael J. Braae
Transient, Lacey

40. John R. Gasser
Student/state employee

41. John A. Muhammad
Mechanic Tacoma/Bellingham

If you would like to read more about what it was they did the full description can be found here : Source

So if there are more suicides then homicide people here must be really, really, really sad to beat the list of victims, conceived from this list of killers.

…And it seemed like such a beautiful, quite state….


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The Fad


I know everyone is sick to death of asking or hearing this question but I have to ask…. What is up with this Justin Bieber, Nicki Minaj and Miley Cyrus obsession. Can people honestly look at themselves in the mirror  with a straight face and like their music?!?!?! I mean don’t get me wrong I am sure there is a market for maybe like 10-13 year old girls but there are not 700,000,000 girls ages 10-13 with access to internet , and like those artist. Now I am not trying to offend the people who gave J-bebs a cup of their blood but let be real who is seriously driving down the road singing Justin Beiber’s “Baby” song and sippin on their coffee???

Baby… Baby ….. Baby…..

I’m not one of those people who only listens to one kind of music and hates everything else, I listen to a wide range of music Alternative, Classic, and Punk Rock, Pop, Metal, R&B, Reggae, Rap, and even a few country songs (not to into the really twangy stuff).

Here are some but not all of the artists I listen to:

Breaking Benjamin

A Day to Remember

A Perfect Circle

Bruno Mars

The Beatles

The White Stripes

Sum 41

Green Day

Nickelback

Incubus

Linkin Park

Katy Perry

Tool

Anberlin

Tupac

Aaliyah

Ne-Yo

LMFAO

Seether

Creed

3 Doors Down

Three Days Grace

30 Seconds to Mars

Bob Marley

Killswitch Engage

 So you can see that I have a wide range of different people not all of them are the most popular bands and I am sure some of them have been made fun of with the same kind of intensity as Justin. Maybe I don’t get it and they are just way over my head, or maybe I have turned into my parents and I now hate all new music because it’s for the kids and all I hear is noise. I totally get having a stupid song stuck in your head but these guys are on the top charts. People can’t honestly tell me that there finger slipped and they clicked the wrong thing over a million times, or it got stuck in your head and you just had to listen to it once.

Nope. I don’t believe it. Don’t give me your excuses just tell me that we aren’t going to do it anymore. Please tell me this will be the last generation of crazy singers that make no sense and kinda scare us sometimes.

Hope this is the end of the fads…. if we are lucky everyone become hipsters and there will no longer be a “mainstream”….. I know I am thinking the same thing “and that’s if we are lucky?”