A New Chapter

Life really does play out in chapters….


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Too Much Too Fast?


I feel like I have jumped the gun on this whole life thing.

I see all my friends just finishing up with college, or starting work at a rinky dink place that they don’t really like, but it helps them pay back some school loans. They are arguing with boyfriends jumping in and out of relationships, just the daily grind. Not me!! I have finished school, found a career and a husband, and I have family too…. I mean what else is there to look for. These are the big life goals that people spend their whole life looking for, and that is the main theme of life is to be constantly searching for something. But no one ever tells you what you are supposed to do when you find those thing, and what to do after.

I was recently thinking about continuing my education and I feel like there is nowhere else to go but down. If I continue with a degree like advertising, design, or photography, I would be working for less, and probably at a different company. Boeing wants Engineers, Techs, and Mechanics, I love to design and think of new innovative things and yes there is opportunity for that here at Boeing, but not in the way that I am most interested in. I guess I could take a job for less pay and like what I’m doing and probably have no chance of moving up in the company since loving photography leads to becoming a photographer and nothing more. Because no matter what you take pictures of or how much you get paid to take pictures that is all you do is take pictures.

So many people go through lots of jobs before the figure out what they like, what they are good at, and what they deserve to be paid… I just feel like I am coming to the end of my life rather than just beginning. There is no reason why I should go back to school but I am sitting here like… “That’s it??… I’m finished??… All I had to do was that??”

 

Have I finished my lifes journey at 22 already… is there nothing but just existing in this world that I created for myself? Not that it’s a bad thing that I have my life together, and I am grateful for all that I have, I guess I just didn’t know it would happen so fast. Honestly I didn’t think it would happen at all!!

I almost feel like I am setting myself up for disaster, like a midlife crisis, because we all know that, people that are sheltered or reformed as children grow to be rebellious adults that decide to sell their house and buy a sports car. Of course teens that rebel usually end up straightening out there life because they had a taste of the crazy life, and they don’t have the curiosity to see what they are missing out on, they already been there done that.

I feel like one of those people who gets knocked out for what seems like years, but only a few minutes have passed, and they wake up and say their life flashed before their eyes, I just feel like the biggest moments in my life already happened and all I have is the day-to-day left to live out. It is like skipping to the end of the movie, why sit through the whole thing if you know what is gonna happen in the end.

Sorry to sound like Debbie Downer because some people would love to trade lives for a day but I guess being content with what you have is one of lifes biggest challenges.

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Jokes on Me


Haven’t you ever felt like your ideas are not being heard, and it makes you feel like they don’t really matter. I know everything I come up with isn’t going to turn into a great work of art, but I do think that I have good productive ideas that deserve to be tried, at the very least acknowledged. I never felt like I was the smartest person, I never really felt like I was one of those people with a real talent for anything particular, I have just been mediocre at everything, so for me to speak up and verbalize my opinion takes a lot of courage. I don’t expect the world to walk on egg shells or to pamper me because I take rejection poorly, or have a hard time speaking my mind, but I never really expected the things people had to say about my ideas urk me.

I know I can’t be the only person that grinds their teeth a little while someone is critiquing / criticizing their work. If your anything like me you are prone to rejection and practically expect it to be lurking around every corner, so you prepare, even over prepare yourself, in order to be able to tell yourself, “at least you tried you best, but you knew that wasn’t going to work any ways.”  I can handle people editing something I have thought of or trying to improve on it, but just completely dismissing it? I don’t know why people think that stepping on someone else, will put them one step ahead.

Keeping up an attitude like that seems depressing but it actually better then constantly being disappointed, this way I am always right, whether it works or not. I have lived this way my entire life and there is no point in changing things now. I just was hoping that once I was no longer in school, maybe now that I have grown up a bit I can let my thoughts flow without worrying so much about the repercussions of a thumbs down response. It’s not like I have to cry in a corner if someone didn’t like my opinion, but my blood starts to boil, and I am sure that it’s not good for that vain in the side of your neck to pulse quite so hard.

The fact remains, the same kids that got away with being little jerks because everyone used the excuse “kids will be kids” are now adult little jerks.

You would think that somebody stole my teddy bear and ripped his heart out with the way that I am complaining about not being heard. But I am not in school anymore I am not in a place where the dumb assignment means nothing more than extra recycling waste on a school teachers desk. I am at work now, and my thoughts and opinions should mean something now. I know I will make myself heard.