A New Chapter

Life really does play out in chapters….


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Is It The Weather, Or Is It Me?


Well it’s going back to being colder and darker in the early morning and early evenings, and I guess the depression is starting to sweep back across everyone… or maybe just me. I’m from California “the SUNSHINE state” and moved to Washington a little over a year ago and never thought the weather would have any real effect on me I just thought people who were born and raised in gloom and doom are the ones that really get depressed when the rainy season comes back.

I’m a unique Washingtonian because I am the only one that is hiding when the sun is out and going for a walk on the gloomy fog covered days, but maybe the fog has finally got me down.

I recently stopped having a monthly cycle because I’m using the Mirena IUD, and I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t pregnant because I have had the insert for about 4 years now and they only recommend it to be in there for about 5-7 years. Well I took the test almost 2 weeks after my missed cycle and it was negative.

Unfortunately no one had the same reaction, and no one was happy with anyone’s reaction, but on the up side no matter which way it would have gone everyone would have been happy BUT as far as reactions go…. that part didn’t go so well.

Because I had a baby when I was 14 I feel really weird going through the same process again only with love, support, and understanding. To me it comes off as teasing and judgement, because that is what I endured the last time I was pregnant. I always felt like my 16-year-old sister-in-law looks down to me because she can’t even fathom being stupid enough to get pregnant at 14, she is 16 now with no baby so she has already immensely surpassed me.

I felt like she would look down on me more for getting pregnant again (even though I’m not 14 anymore) I felt like even my daughter would look down on me because she follows everything my sister-in-law does since they are not too far in age. I just wanted to have it be in intimate private thing between my boyfriend and I and then share the good or bad news with the family. Instead I got laughs and shits and giggles all down the hall from my daughter (whom is 7) and my sister-in-law ranting “HA HA pee on a stick, you have to pee on a stick.”  I have never felt so embarrassed and disrespected in my life. Even though only my family was home I felt like I was 14 again being taunted down the halls by all the horrible high school jerks. Later my mother in law told me that it was out of love I’m being emotional and they were just having fun because they were so excited and happy and they love me and blah blah blah…. Well where was all that affection, support, and love when all I heard was fun being poked at me.

It made the entire experience like a revenge assignment to prove that was or wasn’t pregnant, the outcome didn’t even matter as long as I had an answer so the subject could be laid to rest.

Maybe I overreacted because of the experiences I have had in the past and maybe they were supportive laughs and giggles I could just be super sensitive to the subject because it’s an experience I want to have so badly with him but I’m also scared to death to actually live that experience again because it was so scary and painful the first time.  I’m so torn with emotion over the subject that I just want to burst to relieve some of the pressure. I guess I’m hoping I’m not ruined, I can be happy about having kids in the future. I guess we really wont know until the day comes.

Since no one really can understand what I’m going through I guess I really didn’t expect anyone to be supportive of my over reactive emotions,I wish someone would be able to understand where my emotions are all coming from. I don’t wish anyone to be as damaged as be I just wish someone would understand.  I guess I just wanted someone to tell me I’m not crazy…..

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Gotta Love Washington State


Serial Killer Land 😀

Before moving to Washington I had heard all kinds of things about it, mostly about the weather. I wanted to know more about this place though since I was bringing my whole family. One of the things that I had heard was “Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young adults in Washington”. They say that there are actually more suicides then homicides.  Interesting right? Well I guess it could have been better than a high serial killer count or something crazy like that, right? I started asking more questions after that but not to other people who have been there before, but to Google. Gotta love Google. I wanted to know not only about the suicide rates but the serial killers…. since the issue came up why not see what I could find and….well I started looking and this is what I came up with….

Turned out there are 41 serial killers that lived, worked, and killed here. Just to put it in perspective for you here is the list as well as their professions. The ones I highlighted are the ones I found particularly disturbing.

What is a serial killer?….

…..Two or more unrelated victims in distinctly separate incidents…..

1. John R Gasser
Student/state employee, Seattle/Olympia

2. James Dwight Canady
City water department employee,Seattle

3. Warren Forest
Clark County parks employee,Vancouver

4. Gary G. Grant
Navy enlistee, Renton

5. Ted Bundy
Law student, Tacoma at University of Washington

6. James Elledge
Part-time church janitor, Lynnwood

7. James Edward Rezicka
Stable cleaner, Redmond

8. Gary A Taylor (The Phantom Sniper)
Escaped mental patient, Burien

9. William Batten
Car lot worker, Aberdeen

10. Robert Yates, Jr.
Aluminum plant worker and Army Reserve helicopter pilot, Spokane

11. Kenneth Bianchi (The Hillside Strangler)
Security-alarm installer, Bellingham

12. Morris Frampton
Sprinkler system installer, Seattle

13. Stanley Bernson
Produce salesman, Spokane

14. Lewis Valley Killer – unknown
Investigators have a suspect, but have never made an arrest.

15. Randy Woodfield (I-5 Killer)
Bartender, Eugene/Portland, Ore.

16. Martin Lee Sanders
Long-haul trucker, Spokane

17. Charles Sinclair (Coin Shop Killer)
Died in jail in Alaska.

18. The .22 Caliber Killer – Identity unknown
Spokane
19. Dwayne Elton
Army sergeant, Fort Lewis

20. William Scott Smith
Unemployed cook, Salem, Ore.

21. Bill Ray Ballard, Jr
Truck driver, Plains, Mont.

22. Joe Kondro
Laborer, mill worker, Longview

23. Gary Shaw
Unemployed, Tacoma

24. Daniel Yates
Tattoo artist, Bremerton

25. Dismemberment Murderer
Identity unknown
One killer could be responsible for three murders in which the victims’ bodies were dismembered and dumped in remote areas in Snohomish County.

26. The Index Killer
Identity unknown
One killer may be responsible for murders of two Seattle women whose bodies were dumped in the Index area in 1988

27. Wesley Allan Dodd
Shipping clerk, Clark County

28. Scott William Cox
Long-haul trucker, Newberg, Ore.

29. Keith Jesperson (Happy Face Killer)
Long-haul trucker, Yakima Valley/Portland

30. George Russell (Eastside Serial Killer)
Unemployed, Mercer Island

31. Robert Sidetrack Silveria (The Boxcar Killer)
Railroad transient (claimed to have killed 28 drifters while riding in a boxcar)

32. Jack Owen Spillman, III
Laborer, East Wenatchee

33. Robert Lee Parker
Unemployed, Shoreline

34. Rafael Resendez Ramirez (The Railroad Killer)
Day laborer, transient

35. Dwayne Lee Harris
Transient

36. John Eric Armstrong
U.S. Navy, Bremerton

37. Brian Keith Lord
Carpenter, Kitsap County

38. Gary Leon Ridgeway (The Green River Killer)
Identity unknown
Forty-nine murders are attributed to the Green River Killer, whose victims were prostitutes and runaways in the Puget Sound area.
Gary A. Ridgway, a South King County truck painter, is accused of killing Cynthia Hines, Opal Mills and Marcia Chapman in 1982 and Carol Christensen in 1983. Although all four deaths have been attributed to the killer, and Ridgway remains a suspect in other deaths, authorities are careful not to call him the Green River Killer.
Status: Ridgway arrested in 2001, awaiting trial. The Green River investigation continues.

39. Michael J. Braae
Transient, Lacey

40. John R. Gasser
Student/state employee

41. John A. Muhammad
Mechanic Tacoma/Bellingham

If you would like to read more about what it was they did the full description can be found here : Source

So if there are more suicides then homicide people here must be really, really, really sad to beat the list of victims, conceived from this list of killers.

…And it seemed like such a beautiful, quite state….


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Déjà vu


I have been having Déjà vu lately and for some reason I wanted to look up online what people believe is happening to them when they are having it. Deja vu means “already seen.” So basically when you get a strange feeling of being some where before, saying something before… but in that exact same way as if you are recalling a memory.  People linked Déjà vu to all kinds of different thing such as medical conditions like schizophrenia, or even visions of your past lives (resurrection).

I can’t really say for sure that I strongly believe in any of the theory’s, there is just so much about the brain that we still don’t know. All I know is it is the strangest feeling you REALLY, REALLY think that you have done it before. I mean I would defend my story to the death if someone wanted to argue with me about it.

Some people say it is just something that you have done before, because there are so many things that we say and do we are bound to do something thing twice or have the same conversation twice even if it was with different people. These things can be triggers that make you start to feel a sense of familiarity with the situation you’re in.

Sounds plausible, maybe something someone said that you have head before could trigger your brain to start remembering where you heard that and maybe in turn makes you feel uncertain if you  subconscious is remembering something that happened while your conscious brain tries to tell you this is a new experience, sounds like a mere clashing of neurons, or mix-up of wiring if you will.

Ancient Alien Guy (History Channel)

I see why the brain is so complex and all the scientist sound like a bunch of crazies when they try to give you their theory of how we do what we do.