A New Chapter

Life really does play out in chapters….


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Lost Time


I haven’t blogged for a while and it’s not because I don’t want to, or I lost interest, I just lost time. I don’t know where it went.

I can’t be the only one that can’t believe we are already 3, almost 4 months into the year. It was just freaking Christmas! It was just New Years! Where did the time go?

All week I just can’t wait for the weekend so I do as much as I can just so I can hurry through the week and get to Friday. I have done it so much that months just fly by. The days are a blur, if you told me what did I do this week specifically what I did I wouldn’t be able to answer you. I am afraid I would probably sound like a black out drunk that loses half their memory on a regular basis. (and I don’t even drink!)

I am so thankful for the days when it seem to just zip by and I get to go home from work and it feels like its only been a few hours instead of the half the day. I guess I am just starting to wonder if that is even something to be grateful for.

I guess I keep telling myself that I am in this for the long haul I have a career, not just a job, so I will be doing this for a while. Hopefully for the better part of my life. (Unless I hit the lotto and then I get to retire at 23 so I can sit around like a lazy slob like frequently dream about.)

Nonetheless, I shouldn’t just be speeding through everyday so I can hurry to the finish line, and be done with working. It’s not like I hate my job, I would much rather be home with my family, but wouldn’t anyone trade their job for their family? I mean people only work so they can provide for their family or at least for themselves. Unfortunately you have to lose so much time in the process of providing , it constantly makes me question, is it worth it. I know that it’s because you have to provide to have a family or just to keep yourself alive.

Life is a constant revolving battle of losing time and making up for the lost time.

…Sorry if this sounded a bit like the ramblings of  a crazy person…

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I think I’m Regressing


Ever since my boyfriend started taking the night shift it has been ridiculous trying to sleep alone at night. I feel like I toss and turn all night because I wake up with all the pillows all over the floor, and the blankets are twisted and hanging off the bed. I thought it would get easier after a while, I even bought a new pillow that is about the same size as me and still I feel like I get no rest in the bed without him there.

I am so tired today it is ridiculous, I feel like I haven’t slept at all, and to top it off it is a super slow day at work so there is not even a high pressure project to keep me awake. I contemplated finding a privacy room to fall asleep in but just my luck I would be caught and fired…. so I went and got a coffee instead.

I have been sleeping next to him for almost 7 years now how am I supposed to get used to sleeping alone?!?! I was thinking that getting to stretch out, finally not be pushed to the edge of the bed, or not being smashed when we rolls over would be enough to satisfy my need for comfy sleep. Unfortunately now I have become accustom to being smashed in my sleep. I even tried piling pillows on top of myself so I could replicate the smashing and nope… just couldn’t breathe and got over heated way to fast.

Every time he leaves when I am about to go to sleep I feel like a little kid that is trying to force their dad to stay home.

I have the whole kid persona down. I have the puckered lip out, the big sad eyes, and I even wine a little bit even though I know him leaving is inevitably going to happen. I would kick and scream but by the time the clock says 9:30 I only have enough strength to push my pillow around and huff and puff a little bit.

Oh well, we have to do what we have to do in order to finally get a house. Though we are practically living in a house now it is not nearly as big as I would like for as many people live there. So once we are walking through the doors of our new house and he is all done with all this night shift crap and he can find a new job or a new shift it will all be worth it, but until then I guess I will have to regress to the prime age of 4 and squeal every time I see him leave or snuggle him when I come home from work and he is still asleep. I just have to take advantage of the little time that we do get to spend together.

If I wasn’t clingy before I sure am now. Every time we are just sitting around next to each other I find myself just trying to touch him anywhere I can, grabbing the little arm of his shirt, scratch his back, pinch or poke… its doesn’t matter to me. When he finally asked me what I was doing I told him, “just tying to get some physical attention while I can!”

Well so far my only coping mechanism I have found is every morning when I have to get ready alone I listen to the same song, it almost makes me want to cry but it is just want I need to hear at that moment so it evens out. (and for the record I haven’t cried yet!)


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I’m So Ronery …


My first morning getting ready without my hubby was so lonely, I had been getting ready in my bathroom while he slept for almost a year but at least he was still right there to snuggle me while I slept, and for me to hug and kiss before I left the house.

This morning I had to get ready alone because he recently started working the night shift and he goes to work when it is time for me to go to sleep, he is sleeping when I get home from work because he has to get up at 8:00pm and I am sleeping when it is time for him to get up and get ready.

Our schedule barley fits any time for us to just hang out like we used to ….. that’s why I thought this song was perfect for the occasion……

………I am so ronery now …..

 


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Smoking Conundrum


One thing I did notice today is that everyone seems to be walking around with “a case of the Monday’s” everyone would much rather be in Eastern Washington on vacation where the sun is shining but we are all stuck here making money on the rainy side of Washington, and the only upside is that you’re in a building with no windows. So whatever the weather is there is no reason for you to worry about it.

Unless you are a smoker like me, unfortunately I have to deal with whatever the weather is for at least a half hour a day during my ONE smoke break at 11:00am. I know what you’re thinking…. “How can you deal with only ONE smoke break!!??!!” And I have no answer for you on that one. People here are just lucky they have not had any limbs uncontrollably ripped off by one of my alter personalities that came out because it was starved for nicotine.

South Park – Season 7 Episode 13 “Butt Out” 

My work is actually one of the places that has made it illegal to smoke on the  property, you don’t get arrested but if a manager catches you on the premises and writes you up, you can eventually lose your job if you are written up enough times. I understand that people who don’t smoke do not like being unwillingly exposed to the smell and danger of the smoke every time they had to leave or enter the building, but having someone lose their job because they refused to walk over a mile to smoke a cigarette seems a little ridiculous as well.

You can’t have a completely smoke free workplace no matter how much you are just looking out for the best interest of the employees; you have to take everyone’s feelings into account. They have tried to help by getting everyone to just jump on the bandwagon and stop smoking by having programs you can join that help encourage you to become a non-smoker.

American Cancer Society’s “Quit for Life Program” 

If they are to ban smoking they need to take into account that some people do not want to quit, even though they fully understand the health risk. There needs to be designated smoking areas at least that are clear from walkways and doorways with ashtrays available. Because of this new rule passed without taking into consideration that smokers will be smokers and they will find a place to smoke on their breaks they now have the issue of mass amounts of cigarette butts lining the parking lots. Even though I smoke and there are no ashtrays conveniently placed for us I don’t throw my butt’s on the ground I keep it in my hand until I get to a trash can but not all smokers are that generous.

They have basically traded one problem for another without solving anything, even the people who started the ban are still mad because even though people have moved more than 100ft away from any doorway in that building to smoke, they still smell smoke on their way out to their cars in the mornings and afternoons because we hide in the parking lot to avoid being spotted by managers. So you see they will never be happy ad just putting up invisible lines didn’t help the situation at all either, if anything it probably cost them a few useful workers that were out on a smoke break and they got reported and fired.

Even being a smoker myself I don’t think that what they attempted to do was wrong, I am all for a company that is willing to help their employees stay or become as healthy as they can be. Boeing had great intentions, I just think they needed to come up with a better way of handling things. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion on smoking this is just mine.


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If It’s So Much Fun, Why Don’t You Do It?!?!?


Well thank god it is Saturday I do have to say that I love my job but I can’t stand being here!!! Something about being behind a desk just makes you insane. I am a computer person don’t get me wrong I can spend a weekend on the computer and be completely satisfied, and having a good time, but stick me on a computer behind a desk at work…. it will slowly drive you insane. You find yourself looking at the clock all the time on your work computer, but as soon as you get home you could easily lose 4 hours on Memebase or Stumbleupon.

Now, you would think that since I am on a computer all day, that once I get home I would not want to be on one. Well you would be wrong. I want to be on the computer even more just so I can finally do what I want to do, like Facebook, Twitter, Miniclips, all the fun stuff I can’t do at work even though I am on a computer.

One thing that drives me nuts is when you have a bad day at work or you wake up in the morning and you don’t really want to be awake at 4am and so you complain a little on your Facebook or your Twitter just to vent… Don’t you just hate when someone goes on and decides they are going to comment on your status and let you know that you are blessed to have to wake up every morning and go to work….. these people obviously don’t work….or they are a part of the small percentage of us that wake up at the crack of dawn with enthusiasm.

I appreciate my job and all the money that I get from it, so I can go out and enjoy some of the material things in life, we all do, but no one wants to be alive for any reason at 4am unless you are some sort of masochist. I  have always loved sleep, we all need it… but I yearn for it. I would live in my bed forever if I could, being surrounded by my pillows and blankies, like I am in a pillow fortress.

They get it ….

Community: Season 3, Episode 14
Pillows and Blankets