I feel like I have jumped the gun on this whole life thing.
I see all my friends just finishing up with college, or starting work at a rinky dink place that they don’t really like, but it helps them pay back some school loans. They are arguing with boyfriends jumping in and out of relationships, just the daily grind. Not me!! I have finished school, found a career and a husband, and I have family too…. I mean what else is there to look for. These are the big life goals that people spend their whole life looking for, and that is the main theme of life is to be constantly searching for something. But no one ever tells you what you are supposed to do when you find those thing, and what to do after.
I was recently thinking about continuing my education and I feel like there is nowhere else to go but down. If I continue with a degree like advertising, design, or photography, I would be working for less, and probably at a different company. Boeing wants Engineers, Techs, and Mechanics, I love to design and think of new innovative things and yes there is opportunity for that here at Boeing, but not in the way that I am most interested in. I guess I could take a job for less pay and like what I’m doing and probably have no chance of moving up in the company since loving photography leads to becoming a photographer and nothing more. Because no matter what you take pictures of or how much you get paid to take pictures that is all you do is take pictures.
So many people go through lots of jobs before the figure out what they like, what they are good at, and what they deserve to be paid… I just feel like I am coming to the end of my life rather than just beginning. There is no reason why I should go back to school but I am sitting here like… “That’s it??… I’m finished??… All I had to do was that??”
Have I finished my lifes journey at 22 already… is there nothing but just existing in this world that I created for myself? Not that it’s a bad thing that I have my life together, and I am grateful for all that I have, I guess I just didn’t know it would happen so fast. Honestly I didn’t think it would happen at all!!
I almost feel like I am setting myself up for disaster, like a midlife crisis, because we all know that, people that are sheltered or reformed as children grow to be rebellious adults that decide to sell their house and buy a sports car. Of course teens that rebel usually end up straightening out there life because they had a taste of the crazy life, and they don’t have the curiosity to see what they are missing out on, they already been there done that.
I feel like one of those people who gets knocked out for what seems like years, but only a few minutes have passed, and they wake up and say their life flashed before their eyes, I just feel like the biggest moments in my life already happened and all I have is the day-to-day left to live out. It is like skipping to the end of the movie, why sit through the whole thing if you know what is gonna happen in the end.
Sorry to sound like Debbie Downer because some people would love to trade lives for a day but I guess being content with what you have is one of lifes biggest challenges.