The perfect customer is dissatisfied but hopeful, uninterested in serious personal development, highly habituated to the television, working full-time, earning a fair amount, indulging during their free time, and somehow just getting by.
Go to work, send your kids to school, follow fashion, act normal, walk on the pavement, watch T.V. save for old age, obey the law, then repeat after me: “I am free!”
I have been feeling a need to disconnect, unplug, just walk away from it all and live life carefree scooping ice cream on a beach somewhere. Could it just be because it is summer time and I live in Washington and I am starting to occasionally crave sunshine, or is it just because we were never meant to live a life filled with a 40+ hour work week. Having a job is something to be proud of don’t get me wrong, it is a great accomplishment that you deciphered the code of the system we all grew up in and cracked it! Passed schooling and landed a job you did it! So why do I have all this money and no time to enjoy it with the people I am making all the money for. I’m at a strange point in my life and I have to ask the question, am I alone in this feeling? Do other people share this same feeling or am I just another millennial that feels like work sucks and play is much more fun? Things are just not fair and sometimes I just have the overwhelming feeling to stomp my feet like a child, simply because that is all I can do about the situations that really anger me.
I haven’t blogged for a while and it’s not because I don’t want to, or I lost interest, I just lost time. I don’t know where it went.
I can’t be the only one that can’t believe we are already 3, almost 4 months into the year. It was just freaking Christmas! It was just New Years! Where did the time go?
All week I just can’t wait for the weekend so I do as much as I can just so I can hurry through the week and get to Friday. I have done it so much that months just fly by. The days are a blur, if you told me what did I do this week specifically what I did I wouldn’t be able to answer you. I am afraid I would probably sound like a black out drunk that loses half their memory on a regular basis. (and I don’t even drink!)
I am so thankful for the days when it seem to just zip by and I get to go home from work and it feels like its only been a few hours instead of the half the day. I guess I am just starting to wonder if that is even something to be grateful for.
I guess I keep telling myself that I am in this for the long haul I have a career, not just a job, so I will be doing this for a while. Hopefully for the better part of my life. (Unless I hit the lotto and then I get to retire at 23 so I can sit around like a lazy slob like frequently dream about.)
Nonetheless, I shouldn’t just be speeding through everyday so I can hurry to the finish line, and be done with working. It’s not like I hate my job, I would much rather be home with my family, but wouldn’t anyone trade their job for their family? I mean people only work so they can provide for their family or at least for themselves. Unfortunately you have to lose so much time in the process of providing , it constantly makes me question, is it worth it. I know that it’s because you have to provide to have a family or just to keep yourself alive.
Life is a constant revolving battle of losing time and making up for the lost time.
…Sorry if this sounded a bit like the ramblings of a crazy person…
Ever since my boyfriend started taking the night shift it has been ridiculous trying to sleep alone at night. I feel like I toss and turn all night because I wake up with all the pillows all over the floor, and the blankets are twisted and hanging off the bed. I thought it would get easier after a while, I even bought a new pillow that is about the same size as me and still I feel like I get no rest in the bed without him there.
I am so tired today it is ridiculous, I feel like I haven’t slept at all, and to top it off it is a super slow day at work so there is not even a high pressure project to keep me awake. I contemplated finding a privacy room to fall asleep in but just my luck I would be caught and fired…. so I went and got a coffee instead.
I have been sleeping next to him for almost 7 years now how am I supposed to get used to sleeping alone?!?! I was thinking that getting to stretch out, finally not be pushed to the edge of the bed, or not being smashed when we rolls over would be enough to satisfy my need for comfy sleep. Unfortunately now I have become accustom to being smashed in my sleep. I even tried piling pillows on top of myself so I could replicate the smashing and nope… just couldn’t breathe and got over heated way to fast.
Every time he leaves when I am about to go to sleep I feel like a little kid that is trying to force their dad to stay home.
I have the whole kid persona down. I have the puckered lip out, the big sad eyes, and I even wine a little bit even though I know him leaving is inevitably going to happen. I would kick and scream but by the time the clock says 9:30 I only have enough strength to push my pillow around and huff and puff a little bit.
Oh well, we have to do what we have to do in order to finally get a house. Though we are practically living in a house now it is not nearly as big as I would like for as many people live there. So once we are walking through the doors of our new house and he is all done with all this night shift crap and he can find a new job or a new shift it will all be worth it, but until then I guess I will have to regress to the prime age of 4 and squeal every time I see him leave or snuggle him when I come home from work and he is still asleep. I just have to take advantage of the little time that we do get to spend together.
If I wasn’t clingy before I sure am now. Every time we are just sitting around next to each other I find myself just trying to touch him anywhere I can, grabbing the little arm of his shirt, scratch his back, pinch or poke… its doesn’t matter to me. When he finally asked me what I was doing I told him, “just tying to get some physical attention while I can!”
Well so far my only coping mechanism I have found is every morning when I have to get ready alone I listen to the same song, it almost makes me want to cry but it is just want I need to hear at that moment so it evens out. (and for the record I haven’t cried yet!)
I love blogging but I haven’t been in any kind of mood to write anything productive or even moderately interesting. I love to write I just have had writers block for a little over a week now. I’m not saying that the writer’s block is gone, but I think the only way to get rid of it is to just sit down and try to write something. I really want to try to write something before I start working with my new job. I don’t think I will have as much spare time once I start working for this other group.
It’s not really a new job since I will be in the same building and I am only moving over a few bays, I am just going to be working with a new group of people on some new assignments I have never done before. I am excited for the new experience but a little pessimistic about the training. I always hated being in training because everyone automatically assumes that you don’t know anything about anything, and they can’t trust your opinions and ideas because you are a person speaking with no reference.
From what I was hearing about this new group it is going to be much more interesting than the group that I am currently working for now. At the moment I am doing basically data entry work and checking requirements of previously made drawings. But in this new group I will get the opportunity to show off some of the designer aspects of my job title instead of just the technical side.
We will be working on project that involve weight reduction on the plane by combining multi parts and making them one single part so we can remove nuts, bolts, and fasteners. I think it will be fun I just have to go through the “prove what you know” stage again and let everyone know I am not a complete imbecile. I know that I am knowledgeable in the job I am currently in because my boss has decided to take me up a level.There are 4 levels and I was hired at level 1, he said that he is putting in the info for me to become level 2 by next month. I am unsure if it means I will receive another pay bump but I am just happy with the new title. 😉
I thought it would take a lot longer then it has I have only been working here a year and one month and I am already going to get another promotion. I am really proud of where I am today but a little afraid of all the fast paced progress, what do you do once you have finally reached the top? Though I am nowhere near the top, I will be there soon at the rate I’m going (Not that that’s a bad thing 😉 I know I have said this before in another post “Too Much Too Fast?”, but since I talked with my manager about our mid-year evaluations I feel like I should be pursuing further schooling or getting ready to go further with something but at the moment everything is way better than expected (job wise) so pursuing school would actually probably make my current situation worse instead of better.
Things could always be worse so I don’t want anyone to think I am complaining about my situation, I’m just confused, I’m not even frustrated because I am very content with where I am at the moment. I just have to go back to taking things day by day instead of contemplating the future.
Sorry to all my readers if this blog post makes no sense, but like I said the only way to break writers block is to just write!
Life seems to be one big “hurry up and wait” game. Hurry up and go to school so you can graduate and wait for a job. Hurry up and get a good job and wait to retire. Even when you retire it’s the hurry up and retire game, so you can wait to spend all your money.
Never does the saying go, “hurry up so you can enjoy”. Everyone wants to just hurry up and get through everything, when in reality they are hurrying through their life, and waiting to die.
Even I find myself from time to time hurrying through something to get me absolutely nowhere. At work I have tried hurrying through the day just so I can wait for my van… Now where did that really get me? At the end of the day I was going to have to wait for the van anyways mo matter how fast I completed my work.
All I’m saying is, if life is the only game that we are to play here, wouldn’t you want to take your time so you might have a better chance of winning? Because no ones gets out of the game of life alive, the objective of the game is not to live or die it is to enjoy, have fun, and embrace the best moments, and hang on to the memories.
Little things in life we take so seriously, but life itself we pass off as a joke. If I gave you a poster and said you only get one shot to color this poster, you would take as much time as you needed to make that poster perfection. Yet in our own daily lives we color outside the lines as if we could just by a new poster or erase our mistakes.
Even though a life can never be perfection, that isn’t a reason to not to strive for it. Because when we see that poster we have to color it crosses our mind that we might make a mistake, but that never stops us from picking up the crayons and living.
Well thank god it is Saturday I do have to say that I love my job but I can’t stand being here!!! Something about being behind a desk just makes you insane. I am a computer person don’t get me wrong I can spend a weekend on the computer and be completely satisfied, and having a good time, but stick me on a computer behind a desk at work…. it will slowly drive you insane. You find yourself looking at the clock all the time on your work computer, but as soon as you get home you could easily lose 4 hours on Memebase or Stumbleupon.
Now, you would think that since I am on a computer all day, that once I get home I would not want to be on one. Well you would be wrong. I want to be on the computer even more just so I can finally do what I want to do, like Facebook, Twitter, Miniclips, all the fun stuff I can’t do at work even though I am on a computer.
One thing that drives me nuts is when you have a bad day at work or you wake up in the morning and you don’t really want to be awake at 4am and so you complain a little on your Facebook or your Twitter just to vent… Don’t you just hate when someone goes on and decides they are going to comment on your status and let you know that you are blessed to have to wake up every morning and go to work….. these people obviously don’t work….or they are a part of the small percentage of us that wake up at the crack of dawn with enthusiasm.
I appreciate my job and all the money that I get from it, so I can go out and enjoy some of the material things in life, we all do, but no one wants to be alive for any reason at 4am unless you are some sort of masochist. I have always loved sleep, we all need it… but I yearn for it. I would live in my bed forever if I could, being surrounded by my pillows and blankies, like I am in a pillow fortress.
A New Chapter 
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