A New Chapter

Life really does play out in chapters….


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Lost Time


I haven’t blogged for a while and it’s not because I don’t want to, or I lost interest, I just lost time. I don’t know where it went.

I can’t be the only one that can’t believe we are already 3, almost 4 months into the year. It was just freaking Christmas! It was just New Years! Where did the time go?

All week I just can’t wait for the weekend so I do as much as I can just so I can hurry through the week and get to Friday. I have done it so much that months just fly by. The days are a blur, if you told me what did I do this week specifically what I did I wouldn’t be able to answer you. I am afraid I would probably sound like a black out drunk that loses half their memory on a regular basis. (and I don’t even drink!)

I am so thankful for the days when it seem to just zip by and I get to go home from work and it feels like its only been a few hours instead of the half the day. I guess I am just starting to wonder if that is even something to be grateful for.

I guess I keep telling myself that I am in this for the long haul I have a career, not just a job, so I will be doing this for a while. Hopefully for the better part of my life. (Unless I hit the lotto and then I get to retire at 23 so I can sit around like a lazy slob like frequently dream about.)

Nonetheless, I shouldn’t just be speeding through everyday so I can hurry to the finish line, and be done with working. It’s not like I hate my job, I would much rather be home with my family, but wouldn’t anyone trade their job for their family? I mean people only work so they can provide for their family or at least for themselves. Unfortunately you have to lose so much time in the process of providing , it constantly makes me question, is it worth it. I know that it’s because you have to provide to have a family or just to keep yourself alive.

Life is a constant revolving battle of losing time and making up for the lost time.

…Sorry if this sounded a bit like the ramblings of  a crazy person…

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Is It The Weather, Or Is It Me?


Well it’s going back to being colder and darker in the early morning and early evenings, and I guess the depression is starting to sweep back across everyone… or maybe just me. I’m from California “the SUNSHINE state” and moved to Washington a little over a year ago and never thought the weather would have any real effect on me I just thought people who were born and raised in gloom and doom are the ones that really get depressed when the rainy season comes back.

I’m a unique Washingtonian because I am the only one that is hiding when the sun is out and going for a walk on the gloomy fog covered days, but maybe the fog has finally got me down.

I recently stopped having a monthly cycle because I’m using the Mirena IUD, and I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t pregnant because I have had the insert for about 4 years now and they only recommend it to be in there for about 5-7 years. Well I took the test almost 2 weeks after my missed cycle and it was negative.

Unfortunately no one had the same reaction, and no one was happy with anyone’s reaction, but on the up side no matter which way it would have gone everyone would have been happy BUT as far as reactions go…. that part didn’t go so well.

Because I had a baby when I was 14 I feel really weird going through the same process again only with love, support, and understanding. To me it comes off as teasing and judgement, because that is what I endured the last time I was pregnant. I always felt like my 16-year-old sister-in-law looks down to me because she can’t even fathom being stupid enough to get pregnant at 14, she is 16 now with no baby so she has already immensely surpassed me.

I felt like she would look down on me more for getting pregnant again (even though I’m not 14 anymore) I felt like even my daughter would look down on me because she follows everything my sister-in-law does since they are not too far in age. I just wanted to have it be in intimate private thing between my boyfriend and I and then share the good or bad news with the family. Instead I got laughs and shits and giggles all down the hall from my daughter (whom is 7) and my sister-in-law ranting “HA HA pee on a stick, you have to pee on a stick.”  I have never felt so embarrassed and disrespected in my life. Even though only my family was home I felt like I was 14 again being taunted down the halls by all the horrible high school jerks. Later my mother in law told me that it was out of love I’m being emotional and they were just having fun because they were so excited and happy and they love me and blah blah blah…. Well where was all that affection, support, and love when all I heard was fun being poked at me.

It made the entire experience like a revenge assignment to prove that was or wasn’t pregnant, the outcome didn’t even matter as long as I had an answer so the subject could be laid to rest.

Maybe I overreacted because of the experiences I have had in the past and maybe they were supportive laughs and giggles I could just be super sensitive to the subject because it’s an experience I want to have so badly with him but I’m also scared to death to actually live that experience again because it was so scary and painful the first time.  I’m so torn with emotion over the subject that I just want to burst to relieve some of the pressure. I guess I’m hoping I’m not ruined, I can be happy about having kids in the future. I guess we really wont know until the day comes.

Since no one really can understand what I’m going through I guess I really didn’t expect anyone to be supportive of my over reactive emotions,I wish someone would be able to understand where my emotions are all coming from. I don’t wish anyone to be as damaged as be I just wish someone would understand.  I guess I just wanted someone to tell me I’m not crazy…..


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I’m So Ronery …


My first morning getting ready without my hubby was so lonely, I had been getting ready in my bathroom while he slept for almost a year but at least he was still right there to snuggle me while I slept, and for me to hug and kiss before I left the house.

This morning I had to get ready alone because he recently started working the night shift and he goes to work when it is time for me to go to sleep, he is sleeping when I get home from work because he has to get up at 8:00pm and I am sleeping when it is time for him to get up and get ready.

Our schedule barley fits any time for us to just hang out like we used to ….. that’s why I thought this song was perfect for the occasion……

………I am so ronery now …..

 

Jennings Park Garden

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The garden in Jennings Park in Marysville is getting so beautiful they have added a rose garden and have even helped feed the community with the herbs and vegetables. It’s a cool little park and I am glad I get to live so close to it.

Blissfully walking through the garden…..

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Our 4th of July


I know it is a little late to be posting anything about the 4th of July but I could not resist saying something since…it was the best 4th of July I have ever had.

Fireworks at Night

Living in California in a normal residential area they do not allow fireworks that can be seen over rooftops because of fear of fire. This is smart, but very disappointing when 4th of July comes around, you have to make plans to go and see a big show if you want to see the big fireworks, or there is a possibility you can go to jail if you light them off in your driveway.Here in Washington I recently found out that the area I live in allows fireworks of any size, shape, or form, making this the best 4th of July ever. Right next to us on the Tulalip Reservation they sell fireworks at “Boom City” and you can actually afford them, I know what a shocker!! you we bought a pack of 24 Mortars for 40 bucks. That was an awesome deal considering my neighbor had paid 50 bucks on one box that you light and it does a small 20 sec show…. our mortars lasted us 4 hours. I think we got a little more bang for our buck…. no pun intended. 😉

We had a small barbecue , some pie, and lots of fireworks …..

We were planning to do some damage, if any of the neighbors liked us before I was sure they were not going to be happy with us after shooting off over 50 fireworks of all different kinds !!

Though my daughter didn’t have the chance to light off one of the big fireworks because I didn’t want her to blow her hand off, she still had a great time and she did get to light a grow worm firework and a smoke bomb, both don’t explode, but that does not mean she doesn’t enjoy them.

I took some video of the fun night we had setting off fire works for the first time in the comfort of our own drive way.

First Fireworks 

Double Fire works

Last Firework of the night


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Too Much Too Fast?


I feel like I have jumped the gun on this whole life thing.

I see all my friends just finishing up with college, or starting work at a rinky dink place that they don’t really like, but it helps them pay back some school loans. They are arguing with boyfriends jumping in and out of relationships, just the daily grind. Not me!! I have finished school, found a career and a husband, and I have family too…. I mean what else is there to look for. These are the big life goals that people spend their whole life looking for, and that is the main theme of life is to be constantly searching for something. But no one ever tells you what you are supposed to do when you find those thing, and what to do after.

I was recently thinking about continuing my education and I feel like there is nowhere else to go but down. If I continue with a degree like advertising, design, or photography, I would be working for less, and probably at a different company. Boeing wants Engineers, Techs, and Mechanics, I love to design and think of new innovative things and yes there is opportunity for that here at Boeing, but not in the way that I am most interested in. I guess I could take a job for less pay and like what I’m doing and probably have no chance of moving up in the company since loving photography leads to becoming a photographer and nothing more. Because no matter what you take pictures of or how much you get paid to take pictures that is all you do is take pictures.

So many people go through lots of jobs before the figure out what they like, what they are good at, and what they deserve to be paid… I just feel like I am coming to the end of my life rather than just beginning. There is no reason why I should go back to school but I am sitting here like… “That’s it??… I’m finished??… All I had to do was that??”

 

Have I finished my lifes journey at 22 already… is there nothing but just existing in this world that I created for myself? Not that it’s a bad thing that I have my life together, and I am grateful for all that I have, I guess I just didn’t know it would happen so fast. Honestly I didn’t think it would happen at all!!

I almost feel like I am setting myself up for disaster, like a midlife crisis, because we all know that, people that are sheltered or reformed as children grow to be rebellious adults that decide to sell their house and buy a sports car. Of course teens that rebel usually end up straightening out there life because they had a taste of the crazy life, and they don’t have the curiosity to see what they are missing out on, they already been there done that.

I feel like one of those people who gets knocked out for what seems like years, but only a few minutes have passed, and they wake up and say their life flashed before their eyes, I just feel like the biggest moments in my life already happened and all I have is the day-to-day left to live out. It is like skipping to the end of the movie, why sit through the whole thing if you know what is gonna happen in the end.

Sorry to sound like Debbie Downer because some people would love to trade lives for a day but I guess being content with what you have is one of lifes biggest challenges.


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An Adolescence Story


I know everyone has been beaten to death with this subject but I have to say something about it. I feel almost obligated to at the very least give my story and my opinion, since I am someone that is speaking from experience.

Recently I have been seeing shows like “Teen Mom” or “16 and Pregnant” and I see the way that people perceive these girls. They think of them as dumb sluts, or abused children that want attention or someone to love them. In many cases I am sure that’s true because I have watched the shows and see what comes out of the mouths of these immature, inexperienced, babies having babies. So I am sure that the statistics are somewhat true when they say that less than 2% of the teen moms that get pregnant don’t graduate from school, but honestly is that really just because of the baby or were they already the type of person to give up, they just needed a reason? Everyone immediately assumes that as soon as you have a baby that young you have completely ruined your life and you will never return.

I am not saying that I am a supporter of teen sex or pregnancy because I do think there are a lot of dumb teens that will eventually mess up their entire life and blame it on the baby, when really they didn’t sound like they were going to be upstanding citizens in the first place, baby or not.

I guess I must be the rare exception to the statistic, because I had my daughter when I was 13. I tell most people that I was 14 at least because the math adds up but she was born November 22nd, and my birthday is December 6th, so the lie is not that big. I know what you’re thinking already…. And no I wasn’t a slut, and I wasn’t raped, and no one abused me and made me want a child so I had someone to love me. I had a mishap with birth control because we often forget that it is 98% effective against pregnancy not 100%. Does not seem like much, but it is. Me and my ex were both virgins and I got pregnant the first time.

I was just a stupid teen making all the wrong decisions for myself in spite of what people warned me about, you know the typical teen, and my mother told me that if I was going to make an adult decision like this, I was going to live with the consequences of my actions. And I did. But I didn’t think that my life was over, just different. Yeah, I missed a lot of things like prom but we all have seen the show and heard the sob story from all the shows about missing so many immature childish things we cherish as teens, and that is not why I am writing this. I don’t want to give you another sob story.

I just want people to think before the instantly make an assumption about someone, before they instantly start trying to scare someone into believing that there life is over, they will not amount to be anything, and they are giving up everything. Maybe if we weren’t instantly mean and judgmental we could actually help some of these lost teens.

People were awful when I was pregnant they always looked at me like I was a trashy. At school was the worst of it because you know how mean other teens can be, they just say whatever comes into their minds. They all judge like they would never be in that situation but they have been, if they had sex they are setting themselves up for that situation. The only difference between me and all the other girls was that my secret sexual life was bulging out of the bottom of my shirt for everyone to point at and talk about. Yes, I see there is a large epidemic going around of pregnant teens but there has to be a better reason then they just did it because it was the cool thing to do. Not all of our teenagers can be that stupid. There has to be a bigger reason. And besides that everyone is different and you don’t know there story so there is no point in judging them right off the bat.

Judgmental Much?

This is just my opinion though I could be wrong, but I am living proof that you can have a baby at a ridiculously young age and overcome the hardship of life and if you work hard enough things can happen for you still. You will be young enough to have the energy to run around with your kid and your child will be old enough to remember the vacations and trips that you go on because by the time you are established they are old enough to join you on those fun adventures and it’s not a hassle, like when you are trying to bring a toddler or an infant with you. When you are old enough to retire and go back to focusing on your life because your child has grown up you and your kid will be practically the same age you guys can go party together LOL!!!  I just tried to look at the brighter side of things, it’s really all you can do when you are placed in a situation like that. If this is going to be the new trend and no one knows how to stop it, or why it is even happening, then we need to cope and adjust to it and find a better way to handle the situation. Not just scare girls into not getting pregnant, that obviously isn’t working the more we advertise the dangers the more teens rebel and get pregnant on purpose.

I can’t stand the way people are so cruel sometimes, even doctors would say things just to scare me telling me things like “you are going to have to have to learn how to take care of a premature baby because even if she is delivered on time, she most likely is going to be as big as a preme and have the same problems as a premature baby.”

My daughter was 8.4 pounds 19.6 inches long.

Halie A’marie

So whether it was a mean teen, or a dignified doctor, the reaction is the same, and the way they treat you is the same, I just think there has to be a better way to treat people even if they made a huge mistake. People act like teen moms are the scum of the earth, and our children are doomed. We can think of a way to be more understanding, and tolerant, try to educate (not scare) our kids before they get pregnant. Sex Ed is not enough, giving them free condoms is not enough, and scaring our current pregnant teens is not enough.

By advertising teen pregnancy I think we have already ruined our teens perception on what life is supposed to be like, but that does not mean that is too late to reeducate them and see if we can get them to look at things from another point of view. The only part of the Teen Mom Show that I find to be helping out our teens and the discussion they have  in the last 5 minutes of the show when they sit and explain what the reality shock was like when they found out how hard it really was to have a baby and how much they really had to give up. That is the only eye opening part that I feel all teens should look at it and go “WOW I don’t want to miss my prom!!” if nothing else these immature girls should at least realize all the fun stuff they aren’t going to be able to do anymore, it is more like being grounded and having to babysit for the next 18 years, instead of the white picket fence and 2.5 kids with prince charming and a dog, like playing house is so easy and fun.

You would think that a reality shock would do the trick but it seems like teens now a days are harder to break, unlike when I was a teen you could take my TV and I would do practically anything to get it back I didn’t like having things taken away from me but it seems like these kids just don’t care.

I guess the only reason I am writing this is to see if people can broaden the horizon and start to think from a different point of view. It takes a village to raise a child; it is going to take all of us to get these kids in line.

The Pregnancy Pact

Part 1 

Part 2 

Part 3 

Part 4 

Part 5 

Part 6

Part 7

 I thought this is a good movie to get conversation started with your kid, and also to enlighten parents on how there kids are really thinking…. and it is just a  good flick!


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My Amazing Life


I have never been more proud of my family and all that they have accomplished, including myself I have almost made it one year at Boeing, my fiancé just heard the news that he will also be working for a fortune 500 company called Softlayer. Just one year after moving here we have a great house, and jobs, I just don’t think it gets better than that.

Then I get a call from mom saying that she was the main feature in the Sun Newspaper because she graduated from Drug Court. I am so proud of her because I was really scared a year ago to leave her as she was just picking up the pieces left from her addiction and I was not going to be there to support her in any way other than a phone call or a text.  She did it all on her own and I am so proud, it the first time I feel like I can truly trust in her independence.

I have never been as happy as I am today, just to know that all these things in my life that I worried would never come together have finally started to work out. You are told from a young age that things are going to be hard, and it teaches you to expect the worst. Happiness becomes a dream and dream we learn are usually unachievable.  I am just happy that the things that seem simple as a child like finding love, work, and housing have come together and worked out so beautifully.

As kids we think it’s easy all you have to be is grown up and it just happens, as we grow we realize it doesn’t. We see from examples from our friends, going from one bad relationship to another and never finding happiness. We see it in our parents when they struggle to keep jobs, or struggle to find them. Though I struggle to get where I am it’s nothing compared to what most people go through, I got my job after one interview, and it was my first interview EVER!! My fiancé as well, his first interview he got the job too!! I just think it is amazing the way my life is going.


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Working again


Off to work again …. I don’t mind it so much, I really miss the days when I could wake up when I want, or sleep the day away, or staying up late on a Monday night just because I can. The one thing I really miss is not being with my family all day…. But I make up for the time that I spend away making the big bucks by taking weekend adventures together, which is something I could never do before in California. So I guess things even out in the end.